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fALL 2012 pLAYOFF pROJECTIONS & sPREADS

by RecessRambler » November 16th, 2012

When the times are good and the successes are abundant, there is always a long list of people waiting in line to partake in the celebration to take some of the credit. But when times aren’t so good and things go completely awry, the crowd dissipates and only one person is left standing to take the blame and be the loser responsible for the disaster. The playoffs for the Fall 2012 HKL season are here! Are you ready? Are you ready for what this means? I can hear your thoughts going: “HELL YEAH!”… but your emotions may betray you, young Jedis. This is no ordinary kickball season and these are not ordinary kickball teams. Everyone playing this Sunday is doing it because when it got so tough, you stuck it out. When the season looked grim, you stuck it out. When everything seemed to have taken a turn, you grabbed the helm and righted the ship. Does this sound like an ordinary playoff run? Does this sound like an ordinary kickball season? Oh no. Not even close. This is the culmination of higher dreams, unrelenting hopes and the effort of a thousand seasons coming to head on this one day and quite possibly ONE moment. That might not mean much for those who come out every Sunday to play for “fun”, but let’s stop kidding ourselves, your team is not playing this Sunday because they don’t care. Oh, they care. They care a lot. And if you are lucky enough to still be in the run, the mere mention of a kickball makes your balls recoil and your fallopian tubes flap! If this is you, then you know how big this day is. There are no longer any places to hide on the field; the game, the season, the playoffs may come down to you. The glory will be intoxicating if you are the hero. But then again, one missed ball, one bad throw, one missed tag may be all it takes to ruin it for everyone and suddenly you become the loser with all the fingers pointing in your direction. Ready or not, this is the freight train rumbling your way this Sunday. Do you still think you are ready? Are you truly ready? Whatever your answer is in your own heart, just make sure you are not the one left standing alone with the bloody ball, because you better believe there will only be one to blame for the tragedy. There is not team in “you lost it for everyone you fat, untalented bastard!”. Don’t be a fat untalented bastard. Go out there and be a hero! Here are the Projections and spreads for the 2012 Fall Playoffs:

PLAYOFF PROJECTIONS & SPREADS:
Kick Tease vs. Phil Collins (1 run favorites)
Phil Collins is ready to spend Another Day In Paradise! Kick Tease can sometimes be an Easy Lover but this week they are looking to barrel Thru These Walls and get off to a good start in the early innings No Matter Who they need to slaughter along the way. That’s Just the Way It Is for Phil Collins, always outmatched… But Come With Me on a trip to the Land of Confusion and think about all this team has ever wanted to do since joining the league. Win. No team has dreamed with winning more than them. Every season is “THEIR” season. But with the abbreviated teams, could this actually, finally be it? Is there a chance that Against All Odds Phil Collins might win? There might seem to be No Way Out of this one, but be patient Phil Collins, You Ought To Know that you Can’t Hurry Love, and you’ll just have to Hang In Long Enough. Kick Tease is not going to treat Phil Collins Like China and will forge ahead Behind Enemy Lines to take this one. Both teams want it, both teams can get it. Look Through My Eyes and you will see Two Hearts, Two Worlds and their True Colors. Based on this, you heard it here first, I’m calling this the upset special of the week and Phil Collins edges it out sending the rest of the league a Wake Up Call. Until then, We Wait And We Wonder…

(3 run favorites) Pound Town vs. Lunch Money
This season Pound Town has been pushed against the wall by teams that on paper should have been a walk in the park. But Pound Town dug deep to pull their chestnuts out of the fire and displayed the beauty of team work, peer support and mutual respect in the last few weeks. Everyone worked together and showed that when doing so anything is possible – it was truly beautiful and now they have unlocked a great secret. A secret they must carry on if they hope to win – the secret of how to be a team. But as in life where you find God, you will also find the devil. This team of new found religion are now just looking to make someone suffer in painful agony. This season’s feel good story is now today’s executioner. Lunch Money will be in for a rough afternoon. The good news is that later on in the week Lunch Money can cry about it to mommy over Thanksgiving dinner. YUM, YUM!

(4 run favorites) A Whale’s Vagina vs. Natural Born Kickers
Ok, I think we can all agree that this is the easiest playoff matchup of all. Have you ever seen a video of a killer whale hunting a seal? How he grabs the seal by a leg and tosses it up in the air, just to do it again once it lands in the water? Kinda awesome, kinda cruel. If so, then you have already seen a preview of what this game is going to be like. AWV should destroy them right? Not so fast! AWV has historically gotten off to a quick start and tapered off in the later innings. If Natural Born Kickers can keep it close in the first few innings, then this seal may be able to pull the shocker by drawing blood first and swim its way into the playoffs… Clearly AWV is not ready to be anyone’s chowder, but will they have the rows of teeth to put up a fight and will it be enough? Jaws had rows of teeth. Jaws thought it was enough. Start believing Natural Born Kickers! The eyes of the world are on you!

IF THE ABOVE FAVORITES MOVE ON:

(1 run favorites) A Whale’s Vagina vs. Pound Town
Welcome to the steel cage match of the afternoon! These legendary teams rescheduled this epic battle to a later time to insure that they both show up as strong as possible. This is what the veterans have been waiting for all season long. Carpe Diem! Two friends, forced to battle each other to the death! Manus in mano! Both need this win to justify their existence and reason for being on the field. No more Status Quo! Only one will emerge victorious from what promises to be a last stand of sorts. Everyone will have to play with an added focus as no player wants to be the reason for a loss and say Mea Culpa! So both will need to be extra careful as they are aware that this game will come down to one play. Mistakes are something both teams thrive on as this is their Modus Operandi. Whoever wins, we hope to see them both at the bar, In vino veritas!!!

(4 run favorites) Balls Deep vs. Phil Collins
These two teams may get along off the field, but if you for a second think that this won’t look like a reenactment of the Allied Forces victory over the Napoleonic army just outside Waterloo in 1815, then you are just as crazy as this first antichrist. In this all out battle, Phil Collins is arming its entire nuke arsenal and will try to make right on the wrongs of seasons past. This is a weight that Balls Deep is going to look to exploit with a quick invasion in the early innings by bombing the outfield as to disarm them early in the game. Either way, don’t be surprised if friendships are not the only casualty in this war.

Balls Deep vs. A Whale’s Vagina (1 run favorites)
Sound the alarms! Tuck yourselves under your desks! These nuclear powerhouses are not concerned with green house gases or recycling. The only recycling Balls Deep is looking to do is break A Whale’s Vagina apart limb by limb and leaving them to rot in the circle of life. The only gases A Whale’s Vagina is interested in deploying is of the mustard or nerve nature to shrink Balls Deep into a raisin. There is no diplomacy that could ever resolve this one. They are both looking to take each other out and the fallout is irrelevant to them. This grudge match can only have one winner. This is like a head on collision between two drunk drivers at 4am on Observer highway. So put on your seatbelts kids, this can’t end well. But we think the airbags will deploy for AWV just in the nick of time…

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